HUGO

I did not shed tears because of the mail I got from HER.

But I cried when HE called me...

Nope this isn't about a Love Story!

Do You Still Love Her?

If you can’t forget how someone broke your heart, does it mean you still love that person?

She left you only to find out that she has a new one. Eventually she got married and now having 2 babies. Her husband died after some years. She was in your home country and you chose to work in another country so you can forget the pain she has caused you. You have moved on. That's what you said. Finally found the right girl you think you truly love and loves you in return. In fact you both are planning to get married at the soonest after two years of being committed.

Unexpectedly while you’re in a busy crowd somewhere you heard a familiar voice calling you. It was not her your ex but her mom. But you also met her that day since she was just around. You’ve seen her again after five long years. Her babies are with her as well. They were all on a tour in the country where you’re working.

Follow Your Heart But Think About The Future

It seems so easy doing the right thing and giving a bunch of good advice. I wonder if I am in that position. Just a thought...

Few weeks ago a friend consulted her problems with us regarding some matters of the heart. She was committed with someone for quite a long time, I guess for about 3 years. They loved each other so much although she was sometimes having hesitations if she will live a happy life with him.

I've known her only for less than a year. I wouldn't say that we have a lot of shared secrets together. But I would still say that I have known her quite well since we are all girls staying in one room. I can say that she is a friend. A good one with a genuine heart.

Some says that we can't have it all. If we are pretty, we might be dumb. If we are smart, we might lack physical beauty. She was a good lady and so simple.

Sober. Not Wasted.

I was crazy last Thursday for shouting at him.


He was just advising me what to do. Probably, de-cluttering my messed up mind. I was so tense and trying to think of the best option to take. He was trying to tell me to choose the second one which I certainly think won't help at all. Later I realized I shouted at him. I was so unfair. We hushed until I decided to take some time to be alone. I asked him to drop me few blocks away from home. I wanted my mind to be clear as soon as I step inside the house. I don't want anyone seeing traces of despair in my face.

UAE Road Accident

While I was off for 2 days and busy dealing with my constipation, thanks to duphalac which made me feel a bit at ease today, I heard that there was an accident on Abu Dhabi-Dubai highway. I was not sure if 'Pooch exaggerated the news or whoever told him, that 15 people were killed in that horrific accident yesterday morning. Some says that it was because of the thick fog which made everyone's visibility low. 3 days back while on my way to office, I noticed the thick fog. It's like walking literally on the clouds. I can't see the buildings and even the car that's just right in front of us. If it's foggy, they said, it's better you turn your headlight on so you'll see whether your nose will bump the car before you. But I don't think drivers practiced such thing yesterday. Well, we don't really know how the whole chaos started.

Quotes To Live By

I'm feeling a bit frustrated early this morning. So I had to find ways to try to calm myself down. But before that I called up my boss and asked him about a very important thing as if confronting him. I then went online and had a small chat with my best friend. I realized that although it helps us release our stress and tension to a confidante, sometimes it also develops a feeling of much more frustration and emotions while sharing with her the details. While chatting I did some google research and checked some tips. Tips and ways to forget dilemmas and stuff; and what needs to be done. I read inspirational and motivational quotes to clear my mind up. Finally, I read a nice quote as if that guy was just beside me and personally saying these lines:

Thank God

Somehow I've managed to resolved some problems I've been thinking these past few weeks. My room mates and I have finally found a decent room which is not that much expensive although a little costly than the previous rooms I've rented. However, I still have to accept and expect that since cost of living is soaring up here - it will definitely include the room rents. And just be thankful that the one we found was not overly expensive and not uber small. At least we can:

• still move around without bumping into each other's knees and head lol
• we have a bigger bathroom
• we still have our own kitchen
• an internet connection if we wish to
• a garage for everyone staying in the villa if one of my room mate finally got a car!
• and a small hall for our visitors or boyfriends

We have already packed most of our clothes and will shift by the end of this month. Funny coz it's just across the house where we are currently staying. It will be real easy for us to shift then.

How To Deal With Life's Dilemma

I feel uneasy today, my mind is pre-occupied with all things I need to do. Though yesterday I started some parts of the tasks, I still feel unhappy of it. That is because, I want to list down my plans perfectly. And I want to see good results. These are what's inside my messed-up mind:


Problem#1: My roommates and I need to shift to a new room by the end of this month.  Without my roommates a year or months back, I handled it myself well. I haven't met them yet so I was alone with 'Pooch's help searching for a new decent place to stay. I found one, and that is where I met them (my roommates). I got to know that they are those few people who, although not totally perfect, were good by heart. We all decided that we will all again stay together in a room. Problem is we can't find a neat, comfortable and affordable place. Expenses here are soaring up like crazy except for the salary. Not a good news. Clock is ticking so fast that we realize we have only 9 days left. Although we still can stay til 15th of the next month, we prefer to leave end of this month coz it will be better for us. But golly! I tried to inquire the other day and I couldn't really find a good one. But thanks for the offered help of some friends here... we have secured a new room, finally!

the PRODIGAL child

7 months back, I have decided to leave this blog behind. I am actually having another one in Wordpress which I am regularly updating but not on a daily basis. I've been so weak in this blog when I started to put up this one and tried to keep secrets by myself so I made up a new blog where I won't be sharing my personal life. But I can't change ME... well, at least I tried. I can't keep secrets (not that I'm saying I can't be trusted with your deepest, darkest secrets huh!) so it ends up that I almost reveal my guys' photo. I actually posted it there but made it a li'l blurry. No worries, nothing wrong in that. I am just not geared up to react on the questioning look of curious individuals if I tell the world (or at least those around me or in the same country as I am in now and even the place where I grew up) about him and me. We both are single and free, legal and without any extra baggage from the past (u know what I mean), so don't you worry. I am certain that some who might came across this and read it would thought that there is some complicated matters behind it. That some complicated idea will strike in people's curious thought as to why I chose to keep mum about our happy relationship. The issue is actually not big at all, it is I who's anxious and uncomfortable. Not with the relationship but with people around. Anyway that was last year when I mentioned it here so if you just go back you can find out why. In my WP account I realized that I have disclosed my vulnerability, my fears, my strength, my happiness and all that. It didn't end up as a blog of an unknown character coz I even posted my pictures LoLz... and have gained cyber friends as well.

When I notice that I am enjoying posting personal things that are happening with me and current situations I am facing, I thought about my Blogger account. The very first entry I made here was about me being fragile, scared, hesitant... the real me actually. So I guess it would be great if I'd be having 2 blogs now which I am gonna try to update every now and then. The other one would be written mostly in tagalog (my language).

And so I welcome myself back home to MY oh MY...

Drama ko naman...

Hay life. Kaka-homesick na talaga. Sabi ko dati sanay na ko dito at di na hohomesick. Aba nung isang araw ba naman pagkasabing pagkasabi ko na I miss home.. I miss Philippines. Aba diretsong tulo na rin ng luha ko, unahan nga sila eh. Ang drama ko, ang corny..!!! Pero tuloy pa rin kaya ung tears heheh. Ewan ko ba. Parang I feel tired na. I want to relax. I miss our sofa. Parang gusto ko muna humiga sa sofa sa bahay namin sa Pinas. Pero naman ang layo noh. Kung pwede lang sakay ako ng bus.

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Ilang linggo na ring magulo ang isip ko. Right after gumaling ako sa sakit ko, parang gulong gulo lagi ang utak ko. Parang lagi akong nasusuka. At lagi madaling mag-init ang ulo. Eh sino pa ba ang mapagbubuntunan ko eh syempre siya. Kasi siya naman ung palaging kasama-kasama ko. Kaya tuloy ayun naisip nya at naitanong nya sa kin.. “Are you happy with me?” Nagalit ako, sabi ko sa kanya. Ok na ko, pero dinagdagan mo pa ung iniisip ko. Bakit mo tinatanong yan? Sabagay naiintindihan ko siya, ang dami ko kasing gustong mabago sa kanya na mejo imposible naman. Alam ko nasasaktan ko siya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ako. Kung bakit mahina ako, kung bakit di ko kaya makarinig ng mga criticisms. Paranoid talaga. Wala pang sinasabi ang iba, inuunahan ko na kung anong pwedeng isipin at sabihin nila. Haayy ang hirap. Paano ko ba mababago ang ugali ko.. kung ang karamihan sa ‘kabayan’ dito ay talagang makikitid ang mga utak.

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Nag-email siya sa kin kaninang umaga. Nagseselos daw siya. Mabuti pa daw ang kaibigan ko nailalabas ako para magdinner at mamasyal, pero sya na naturingang .. hindi man lang daw kami makalabas.. nauunawaan nya naman ako. At nauunawaan ko rin sya. Nasasaktan ako, nasasaktan din siya. Sobra lang daw talaga ang pagmamahal nya sa akin kaya lahat ng bagay kahit na masakit sa kanya, tinatanggap nya.

Hay ayoko ng mag-isip kasi naman naiiyak na ko talaga.

BAWAL MAGKASAKIT!!!

Sabi ko na ayokong magkasakit. But I’ve been sick for 9 days.. 5 days I didn’t go to work. Haaayy.. thank God coz I’m feeling better now.. I’m back to work. I don’t ever want that to happen again to me. It’s so hard to swallow, can’t eat and drink (I think I lost weight), tapos after eating you'll just throw up. I didn’t took bath for 2 days, didn’t brush my teeth for 3 days.. yuckiness.. what’s wrong? Kesa nman magdugo mga gums ko at magkasugat sugat pati dila ko. hmpFFF.. u don’t even know how it feels, hirap pala magkalagnat, mamaga ang tonsillitis at magkaron ng mouth ulcer, that’s what doctor says. Idagdag mo pa, that pimples that I unconsciously pricked, it got worst, having that pus (or nana in tagalog) and even spreading.. but really thank God, everything’s gone now, it’s just drying up now. Dry cough na lang, ewan bakit bah nagkaubo pa noh.

Enough of arrozcaldo meals for lunch and dinner, and of course I’m brushing my teeth at naliligo na noh. hmpFFF.

Well.. well.. heheh… since I’ve not been able to work for 5 days, they gave me a big card wishing me to get well. Touched ba ko? Huhuh- kung pwede lang po reimburse ninyo mga expenses ko. I got all the bills, lahat ng gamot na binili ko, if you want bibigay ko nalang lahat kasi di ko naman lahat nainom noh. Kasi ayoko baka ma-overdose ako LoLz. Hmnn.. anyways, tenk u na rin sa card. Wala po bang flowers or oranges? hmpFFF.. Ciao!

S O U L M A T E

by Natasha Beddingfield

This is for all those who never quit searching for their soul mate, for those who never gives up the chance that somewhere somehow that one special person will walk in and give meaning to their life. Sad song but quite inspiring and true. Some of us are so successful in life but still feels incomplete because of that missing piece in our heart. I just hope that every lonely soul finds their perfect match. If you are still lost, wandering and searching for your soulmate -- just click the song title to listen to what your heart is singing...

Incompatible, it don't matter though
'Cos someone's bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do you're not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me or maybe you're in disguise

Who doesn't long for someone to hold

Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There's enough for everyone
But I'm still waiting in line

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They're all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone
If there's a soulmate for everyone

I'm Moving Out...

Since last Friday I was so down and weary. Yeap for some it’s just normal but for me it’s a big headache. Yeah yeah I know in this country, you should not expect that you will be staying in the same house forever – or until u get fed up and decides to move out. We were informed that we need to shift by June as the building will be renovated (I think they’ll increase the rent – that’s why) and as soon after the makeover’s done, we can move back in. it’s already July and I haven’t heard of it again until that Friday. I was informed that he had a fight with the building owner, as a result, our contract will not be renewed. I thought for a while – say a month or two – we will just find a room to stay temporarily and come back afterwards but no… I was like at a total lost. Thinking how I would find a nice and decent room just for me to have a space and a place to stay, knowing that this country is getting overly expensive in everything. After work yesterday I decided to look for a room, I told him I don’t wanna go home until I find a room. I’m so whining and crying inside, praying in my heart and mind for God to help me. I often call His name, cry out His name, asking Him to help me. We spent 1 ½ hour searching and checking the rooms. How bad the setup of the Filipino rooms here especially for us who only wants a bed space. For a big rent you will get a tiny space. Partitions here and there, tiny hallway and passageway, one or two comfort room for all - I don’t know if we can still call it comfort room – lastly, you can just throw your cupboard and use your luggage as your dresser.

For 1 ½ hour of constantly praying in my heart and loudly whining to God, finally He heard me. Well, not that I finally get the room coz I need to shift by the end of the month. But at least I spoke to that guy telling him I’m interested and will give him a call before I shift – that is if the room was not yet taken by others – I pray to God I will get a space in that room of that neat, nice & decent house. God really gave me hope when I though there is no hope; first He showed those rooms He thought I won’t like and lastly showed me that nice room. Thank you God, I really do Love you with all my heart and soul.

happy anniversary

We bought a cute and simple ring yesterday, our engagement ring. We went to how many shops until we found the cutest and of course just right within our budget LoLz!!! It’s a combination of a white & yellow gold, which we will start wearing on that day.

Imagine next week juniversary na namin. I can’t believe that we’re still together despite the fear of being misjudged, and all the fights we’ve been through (err.. because I am just acting like a kid). Still we managed to keep our relationship going, though a lot of my friends, so-called friends and colleagues don’t know about ‘us’. But some, especially his friends and colleagues, they know that we are together. Most people would say that it is really not true love if there is fear but maybe I am just not that strong to endure the comments I’d hear.

In God’s time I know, things will be normal.

i hate gossipers!!!

I still wonder why there are people who find satisfaction in chatting about other people’s lives. Even though how much other’s tried to keep their personal lives private, somehow these people manage to know everything about you. I got no clue as to how or where they get those feeds they are saying about you. Worst thing is that, most of the things they thought they know about you are all untrue. Why can’t they be happy talking about their own life, tackle their own problems? Instead of gossiping, why can’t they first struggle to solve the complications of their complicated life; or might as well, muster to perfect the imperfections of their life.

Still it hurts me to know that some people you trusted and whom you thought will never do something to offend you, have done things you never least expected. Things have been said and done. Nothing can be done to repair even the littlest damage it has made. Trust has gone astray and so as the truth in a once good relationship shouldn’t be expected. Since we both have no choice, certainly things might go back to normal; but honesty and trust for each other is undeniably questionable.

falling in love with a black guy

So confused don’t know what to do. Should I take the chance? Is it worth to try? I am so scared, I fear to see the looks on people’s faces or hear their comments. Call me paranoid, but sorry.. well, I guess I really am. I can’t bear people’s criticisms. I am weak at that, though I know when to stand up again still the moment I heard somebody’s hurtful remarks, I really can’t help but think of it and hate them. These are one reason why I can’t make up my mind until now. I like him, I am falling for him. But it makes me wonder how they will judge me.

My Mom says, ‘What is wrong with that? They don’t have the right to say nasty things about you. If that is what they thought, let them think that way, what matter is that we know you. We know that nothing’s wrong in you decision, in what you did and in what you feel.’

Of course I know nothing is wrong in that. I never ruin any relationship nor do I gossip about their miserable life with their partners. The only thing is that, I’ve fallen for a man, who is not of my own race, different skin color. We can call it discrimination that is how others see it. But people should think that we are all human, we’re just born in different countries varying in skin color & languages we use.. but still we are all human.