Sober. Not Wasted.

I was crazy last Thursday for shouting at him.


He was just advising me what to do. Probably, de-cluttering my messed up mind. I was so tense and trying to think of the best option to take. He was trying to tell me to choose the second one which I certainly think won't help at all. Later I realized I shouted at him. I was so unfair. We hushed until I decided to take some time to be alone. I asked him to drop me few blocks away from home. I wanted my mind to be clear as soon as I step inside the house. I don't want anyone seeing traces of despair in my face.

As my roommate ask if we're really gonna drink 2 tins of 500ml beer which we have stocked in the fridge since December last year, I replied with a broken voice saying "I really wanna get drunk tonight." I hated myself coz I abruptly found myself bursting out in tears. I let my face sinked in my pillow. That was the thing I really hate about myself. I easily cry even in such small problem and it makes people think I am weak. Anyway someone learned that we will drink beer so they asked if we want to order more tins. Since we are not really big alcohol drinkers, we ordered only 3 more tins. I said I'm gonna drink 1 tin and my 2 mates will each drink 2 tins.


So we spent the night drinking. I drunk so much, like... half a tin of beer only, HeeHee! I actually asked for Ate's help to drink the remaining half of the beer LoL! I don't drink much now unlike when I was in college. Back then I love to drink although alcohol's taste wasn't very nice. And guess what? I only want hard drinks before! No beers at all. Now, I hate the feeling of being drunk. I hate that I will turn all red and feel the heat whenever I drink alcohol even I consumed the slightest amount. Most of all, I hate to puke.  So all I did the whole night was to take pictures and videos, eating, peeing, serving them, and laughing at them which has help me a lot in forgetting the pressures I have been thinking earlier. Annie got wasted and throw up on my bed, though it was Lucy who drunk more. Ate and I were up until 1:30AM cleaning and changing my bed sheet and pillow case.


The next day, I felt better and said sorry to him. I was listening to what he was saying and trying not to mix up my emotions with the problems. I still need to decide what option I will pick coz it's as if choosing the right path for me to take. Or else I'll be doomed! :(